Holding Space for Grief and Joy: Parenting Young Children Through the Festive Season
Image of a women looking sad with a Christmas tree in the background.
The festive season often arrives wrapped in glitter, expectation, and nostalgia. For many parents, especially those with young children, it can feel like a time of magic and chaos in equal measure. But when you’re also carrying grief (whether recent or long-standing) the season can take on a very different emotional texture. The absence of a loved one - whether a baby, parent, partner, or grandparent - can feel particularly sharp against the backdrop of celebration.
Why the Festive Season Intensifies Grief
Parenting while grieving is complex. You’re trying to hold space for joy because your children deserve it, whilst also honouring your sadness, your memories, and the traditions that once anchored you. You might find yourself triggered by moments you didn’t expect: a smell, a Christmas song, a familiar dish, or the sight of other families sharing moments you wish you still had.
Grief does not follow calendars, but the season can heighten your awareness of who is no longer here. Holiday routines, such as decorating, sharing meals, or visiting family, can spark memories that feel both comforting and painful. You may feel:
Sadness because loved ones are not physically present.
Longing for traditions that no longer fit or feel incomplete.
Guilt for feeling joy when you’re grieving, or for not feeling festive enough for your children.
Pressure to create perfect memories.
Disconnection from others who aren’t grieving in the same way.
For many parents, there is also the heartbreak of imagining the relationship your children would have had with a lost sibling, grandparent, or loved one. These “shadow family moments” can be some of the hardest parts of the holidays.
Giving Yourself Permission to Feel
One of the most powerful things you can do is allow your emotions room to exist. So many parents try to “hold it together” for their children, believing that expressing grief might upset them or dampen the season. But children learn emotional resilience not from watching us pretend we’re fine, but from watching us navigate difficult feelings with honesty and compassion.
You might say:
“I’m feeling a bit sad today because I’m thinking about Grandad. It’s okay to feel sad and still enjoy Christmas.”
This models emotional literacy and reduces the burden of secrecy.
Remember: You can feel heartbreak and joy in the same breath. The festive season can carry both.
Strategies for Managing Grief During the Festive Season
Below are supportive, practical ways to care for yourself while parenting young children through the holidays.
1. Create Space for Your Grief Instead of Fighting It
Trying to “push away” grief often intensifies it. Instead, gently acknowledge it.
You might set aside a small intentional moment each day or week (perhaps with a cup of tea, a candle, or a walk) to allow your thoughts and emotions to surface. When you give grief structured space, it often becomes less overwhelming during unstructured moments.
2. Revisit Traditions, But Let Them Evolve
Many parents tell us they feel pressure to maintain their childhood traditions exactly as they were, as if altering them might dishonour the person they’ve lost. But traditions are meant to evolve with your life stage and values.
Ask yourself:
Which traditions still bring me comfort?
Which feel heavy or painful now?
What new rituals align with what I want for my family today?
Perhaps you keep the same Christmas recipe your loved one made, but you prepare it with your children. Or maybe you gently retire traditions that no longer serve you and replace them with simpler, more meaningful ones.
Letting go isn’t forgetting. It’s making room for joy on your own terms.
3. Introduce a Gentle Ritual to Honour Your Loved One
Commemorating someone you’ve lost can bring warmth rather than sadness - especially for children, who often love rituals.
Ideas include:
Lighting a candle for them on Christmas Eve.
Hanging a special ornament in their memory.
Creating a small photo corner with your children’s drawings.
Sharing a favourite story or memory about them.
Making a dish they loved and talking about why.
These rituals keep their presence woven into your celebrations in a way that feels manageable and meaningful.
4. Allow Yourself to Say No
Holidays come with many invitations, such as social gatherings, school events, family plans. It’s easy to overextend yourself, especially when grief has already drained your emotional resources.
It’s okay to decline things that feel overwhelming. You might choose:
one family visit instead of several
a quieter Christmas Day at home
simplifying meals or presents
asking relatives to host instead of you
Simplifying reduces stress for both you and your children.
5. Lean on Your Support System
Whether it’s a partner, friend, therapist, or another parent who understands loss, sharing your experience can help lighten the load.
If you feel yourself withdrawing, gently reach out. You don’t have to explain everything - sometimes even a text saying, “I’m finding this time of year difficult” opens the door to support.
At Little Steps Psychology Practice, we often remind parents that grief is not a burden to others, it’s a universal human experience. You deserve space and community around yours.
6. Prepare Your Children with Simple, Honest Explanations
Young children often pick up on emotional shifts, even if they don’t fully understand them. Offering simple explanations helps them feel secure.
Examples:
“Mummy is feeling a bit sad today because she’s thinking about Grandad.”
“It’s okay to feel happy and sad at the same time - we all feel lots of things during Christmas.”
Children can be remarkably compassionate when given the chance.
7. Lower the Bar for Festive “Perfection”
Instagram-perfect holidays are not real life, especially when grief is part of your story. The goal is not to produce a flawless Christmas, but a gentle one.
Remind yourself:
It’s okay if you wrap presents late.
It’s okay if the tree is a bit lopsided.
It’s okay if you skip the homemade crafts or the elaborate dinner.
Your children will remember the feeling of being loved, not the aesthetics of the season.
8. Notice Moments of Joy Without Guilt
A common experience in grief is the feeling that joy is disloyal - that smiling, laughing, or enjoying the season somehow diminishes your loss. But joy does not erase grief. It coexists with it.
If you find yourself laughing with your children at something silly, pause and let yourself feel it. These moments are healing. They honour the relationships you’ve lost by allowing your life to continue blooming.
Moving Forward with Your Values
Loss often reshapes what matters most to us. Many parents find that grief clarifies their values - family connection, presence, slowing down, simplicity, gratitude.
You might ask yourself:
What kind of festive season aligns with my values now?
What memories do I want to pass on to my children?
How do I want my children to see me navigate big feelings?
As you answer these questions, you may find new traditions emerging almost naturally- ones that honour both your past and your present.
You’re Not Alone
If this festive season feels heavy, please be gentle with yourself. Parenting young children while managing grief is incredibly demanding, and yet you are doing the best you can with the emotional complexity in front of you.
At Little Steps Psychology Practice, we support parents through the emotional realities of early family life - including antenatal and postnatal mental health, NICU experiences, and the challenges of raising toddlers and preschoolers. Grief is part of many families’ stories, and you do not have to navigate it alone.
If you’d like therapeutic support or a safe place to talk, get in touch.