Understanding and Managing Anxiety in Parenthood
Image of woman sitting on the floor against a sofa clutching her chest
Anxiety is a normal human emotion – one we all experience at different points in life. But during pregnancy, after birth, and throughout the early years of parenting, anxiety can often feel louder, more intense, and harder to manage.
For many parents, it can show up as racing thoughts, restlessness, physical tension, or a constant sense of “what if”. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone, and there are gentle, effective ways to soothe your mind and body when anxiety takes hold.
What is Anxiety?
Anxiety is your body’s natural response to perceived threat or uncertainty. It’s part of our built-in “alarm system” – designed to protect us. But sometimes, this alarm goes off too often or too loudly, even when we’re safe.
You might notice:
A racing heart or shortness of breath
Tightness in your chest or shoulders
Trouble sleeping or relaxing
Feeling irritable, on edge, or overly alert
Constant worry about your baby, your health, or what could go wrong
Anxiety is not your fault – it’s a sign that your nervous system is doing its best to keep you safe.
How Common is Anxiety As A Parent?
Anxiety during the perinatal period (from conception through to the first year after birth) is incredibly common.
Research suggests that around one in five women experience significant anxiety during this time. For partners, feelings of worry or overwhelm are also frequent but often less openly discussed, with studies showing rates between 3% and 25% during pregnancy and up to half of partners experiencing anxiety after their baby is born.
Those who have conceived through fertility treatment may be especially vulnerable, as the emotional highs and lows of treatment, uncertainty around outcomes, and fears about loss can all heighten anxiety, sometimes continuing well into pregnancy and early parenthood.
Even beyond the first year, anxiety remains a part of many parents’ experiences. One large study found that almost half of parents reported ongoing anxiety since becoming a parent, with slightly higher rates among mothers than fathers.
These figures remind us that anxiety doesn’t just appear in pregnancy - it can begin long before, continue afterwards, or re-emerge during the early years of family life. Recognising this helps us normalise the experience and encourages parents and partners to seek support with understanding and compassion.
Why Anxiety Is Common in the Perinatal and Early Parenting Period
The transition to parenthood brings profound changes – physically, emotionally, and socially. These changes can naturally heighten feelings of anxiety.
Some common reasons include:
Hormonal shifts that affect mood and stress responses
Sleep deprivation, which can increase emotional sensitivity
New responsibilities and the pressure to “get it right.
Traumatic or stressful birth experiences
NICU stays or health concerns for parent or baby
A sense of loss of control over your body, time, or routine.
In the early years, anxiety can also be fuelled by the constant juggle – caring for young children, managing relationships, work, and the ever-present sense of being “on alert.”
It’s no wonder therefore that many parents feel anxious – but the good news is that anxiety can be managed, soothed, and understood with compassion and the right tools.
6 Tips for Managing Anxiety
Here are some simple yet powerful ways to support yourself when anxiety feels overwhelming:
🌱 Box Breathing
This is a gentle breathing exercise that helps calm your body’s stress response.
Find a window or picture frame to help you focus on slowing the breath...
Breathe in for 4 seconds,
Hold for 4 seconds,
Breathe out for 4 seconds,
Hold for 4 seconds
Repeat several times, focusing on the rhythm of your breath. This helps slow your heart rate and signals to your brain that you’re safe.
With this exercise, you can always adjust the timings if they don’t quite fit for you (e.g. breathe in for 3 seconds, hold for 3 seconds, breathe out for 3 seconds, hold for 3 seconds…) - the aim is to slow your breathing down.
If you notice your mind wandering, gently bring your attention back to your breath, without judgement, and focus on your breathing again.
Box breathing can provide immediate calming effects in 1-2 minutes, but practicing for longer periods, such as 5-10 minutes, can enhance the benefits.
🌱 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding
When anxiety hooks you, and you want to feel calm and connected to the here and now, name:
5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
Grounding regulates your nervous system, and helps connect you to the here and now...
When you’re feeling overwhelmed by anxiety, using the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique can let your brain know that you’re in a safe environment...
You can do this anytime and anywhere when you’re feeling anxious, either speaking to yourself out loud or silently in your head.
🌱 Change In Temperature
When anxiety peaks, your body’s stress response is on high alert. A quick shift in temperature can calm your nervous system. Try:
💧 Splashing cold water on your face
🧊 Holding an ice pack or ice cube
💦 Drinking ice cold water
🌬️ Stepping outside for fresh air
Applying cold to your face or pulse points stimulates the vagus nerve - part of the parasympathetic nervous system, which signals the body to relax.
Splashing cold water on your face can activate the body's natural dive reflex - a physiological response that slows your heart rate and calms your nervous system.
Focusing on the intense sensation of cold can also act as a grounding technique by redirecting your attention to the here and now.
🌱 Soothing Self-Statements
When anxiety whispers worst-case scenarios, respond with kindness and compassion, as though you’re speaking to a close friend.
Try repeating to yourself:
“This feeling won’t last forever.”
“I can handle this moment.”
“I don’t have to solve everything right now.”
“It’s okay to rest – I’m doing my best.”
🌱 Move Your Body
Gentle movement can help release anxious energy and reconnect you with your body.
This guided exercise can help you feel more stable and grounded in your body and in the present moment:
1) Gently close your eyes, and find your soothing breathing rhythm.
2) Press your feet hard into the floor beneath you, feeling the stability of the ground. If this is not available, feel your body supported by the chair beneath you.
3) Press your fingertips together in front of you. Pressing your hands against each other, feel your strength pushing through your fingers and hands.
4) As you do this, roll your shoulders back a few times, releasing any tension in your neck, shoulders and upper back.
5) Begin to move your upper body gently from side to side, stretching and releasing, allowing the breath to follow as you release your body
6) Open your eyes and focus on what you see around you. Bring your attention back to your body, noticing any differences in how you feel in your body.
This kind of mindful movement acts as a grounding technique, reminding your body that you are safe and present.
🌱 Notice What’s In Your Control
Anxiety often pulls our focus to what might happen – things we can’t predict or change. As a parent, it’s tempting to spend your attention and energy on other people’s reactions, outcomes you can’t influence, and situations beyond your reach. Your nervous system wants to control these things because it feels safer when everything is predictable.
When you notice yourself getting hooked by these unhelpful thoughts, instead, pause and gently ask yourself:
“What’s in my control right now?”
It might be as simple as slowing your breath, sipping water, or asking for help. Shifting your attention to small, manageable actions helps reduce overwhelm.
A Gentle Reminder
Anxiety is common in the perinatal and early parenting journey – but it doesn’t have to define your experience. With small, consistent steps and supportive strategies, you can create moments of calm and confidence.
If your anxiety feels persistent, overwhelming, or interferes with daily life, professional support can make a difference. At Little Steps Psychology Practice, we specialise in supporting parents through the perinatal and early years, helping you understand your anxiety and build tools to manage it with compassion.
Get in touch if you’d like to learn how we can support you in managing your anxiety.